Sixty and the Pursuit of Happiness

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Since Freud, our parents and our upbringing have been popular targets of blame. We'll never really know our parent's inner struggles, only that parents are given a miraculous gift of unmerited love for their children. No matter how graciously or obscurely that gift was expressed, the bottom line is always that our parents did the best they knew how. As children we also can share in this family gift. Love, respect, and appreciate what we can and forgive them for anything else.

Who outside our family doesn't also deserve the same? Nothing ever turns out the way we imagined. Stopping our Imagination, depicted in the picture posted here, is to stop living. It's only from imagination we enable creativity, growth, and hope. We can't go far on sheer will power; but our imaginations can fuel anything. The inevitable frustration and disappointment that an active imagination will cause requires we also extend our forgiveness to all involved. Anything less permanently disables our future happiness.

This is a lot easier to understand than to practice. The root of unforgiveness seems of reside inside of us. The fundamental attribute error that plagues our relationships with others is also nurtured in our self-recriminations. Ridiculous as it sounds, we take the position that we're not worthy of ourselves. With that absurdity firmly in place, we're now perfectly aligned to ruin our lives and the lives of those around us. Self forgiveness requires a large degree of self respect.

In the history of humanity, nothing has lead people to acknowledge their self-worth more than a belief that God resides within them. We know ourselves too well to completely trust us; but we can trust God within us.

I've just turned 60 and that called for some reflection. Before 30, happiness was found in experiences. After 30, the experiences needed meaning, so goals and growth processes became more important. Today the meanings need to be significant, that is from God within. Being able to forgive what's not that, seems to free all that is.

Fruitful Decision Making

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If you're not already familiar with the Franklin or Balance Sheet close it's an old sales technique that should be out of favor with today's business decision makers. The story is when Benjamin Franklin had trouble making a decision he would make a written list of all the pros and cons. Doing this would help lead him to the best decision. The gimmick behind it us while there are usually many pros in a sales proposition, a prospect is generally only facing a couple of cons, typically risk and/or affordability. It's a manipulative scheme because it leads a prospect to consider the quantity of items on the pro and con lists as opposed to their importance. One significant risk can easily outweigh a hundred minor advantages.

Like all really great lies, it's appealing because there are truthful elements inside. Putting your thoughts on paper is a powerful method of clarifying thinking. It's use should be encouraged; but with an orientation toward what's important. I'm proposing a modification to the Franklin close we can call the Fruitful close for your personal decisions.

Create a list of what's important to you. This is the really hard part and since it may be time consuming needs to be done in advance. Personally, I started with the Roles I developed from the time management disciplines found in The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People. Later I found a much more useful list. The logic behind its use was if I made my decisions in alignment with the characteristics of the Creator, the results would be in alignment with Creation - a very desirable result. These characteristics are listed in the Bible in Galatians 5:22 as the Fruits of the Holy Spirit. They are: love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I've come to see the list as operating from the last item (self-control) backwards to the first as one develops into greater alignment with Creation. With a list of importance established, it's now time to create the Balance Sheet.

In Column One, Titled "Important", write down the elements of your list. Now consider all the alternatives to your decision and make a subsequent column for each with an appropriate label. Assign a weight (I use the numbers 1 to 5) that represents how each alternative might contribute toward each result. There may be no effect in many cases. Large effects should be given higher weights. In the end, one column should outweigh the others.

Test this result. Does it make sense that this alternative really is the most fruitful choice? It may not turn-out that way because something was missed during the first analysis (this is normal). Keep repeating the process. Eventually an alternative emerges that that makes sense and we know why. Now its time to become fruitful.